Beer consumption in Nigeria is very rampant and if you go anywhere, in all regions in Nigeria, you will be sure to see beer of different types, sizes and quality welcoming you to Nigeria. We love to gather and have a beer while engaging in social activities like pool, soccer, picnics, e.t.c. In this article, we”ll be looking at the top beer brands in Nigeria. And if you have to go to any bar or hangout spot be sure that we will find these brands.
Top Beer Brands in Nigeria
TROPHY
They are doing this one in Omi-Asoro near Ilesa in Osun state. Few things get more Yoruba than that. People that drink Trophy are likely to have multisyllabic, jaw-breaking, chronically Yoruba names like Ola-di-pu-po. TROPHY belongs to the lower spectrum of the pricing prism of beer in Nigeria, yet it cannot be concretely used as an indicator of someone’s class because of its sheer ubiquity in Yoruba lands.
Sartorially, you want to be on the lookout for university/polytechnic students with starched, old, palm-oil stained shirts and penciled trousers; all the way to corpers in khakis and people who earn N60,000 or less monthly. A beer for all and sundry. A beer for witty people who haven’t quite arrived just yet.
GOLDBERG
You people that like to point out that WWE is fake; who hurt you like kids? Like, you think we don’t have a sense too? Well, before I became like this, the only Goldberg I used to know was the big, bald, burly, belligerent bastard that speared Brock Lesnar and made me cry…
These days, Goldberg to my knowledge is also a green bottle of beer that looks bigger than its 60cl on the first inspection. Due to the phantom discrepancy of its apparent size and its actual size, this beer is heavily favored by short people. Unlike Trophy, this one has not been tribalized as it transcends the western part of Nigeria, but just like Trophy, Goldberg is also an indicator of your social standing. People who are adept at judging books by their covers will know the bank balances of Goldberg lovers. Look for young, vertically-challenged men between 26 and 38.
GULDER
A drink for carpenters in their mid-forties that still barb 90’s style Punk. Okay, I’ll level with you if you think that’s extreme, but come on. It’s Gulder! When we were kids, we used to gather crown-corks of different drinks and play that thing in the middle of radio cassettes. That’s when I knew Gulder; because theirs was unique in that it had these beautiful, enchanting floral patterns. Sadly, I think that’s the highlight of Gulder.
Gulder is now, sadly, only taken by its aficionados: quiet people with a balding head, large body frames and people who have started wearing half-shoe; the most distinctive indicator of the onset of midlife crisis. They have more money than TROPHY drinkers, but two kids are in a Federal University while the other three are in secondary school. They are the embodiment of loyalty. People who still drink Gulder are loyal to their spouses; not necessarily out of love, but their recovery time after a round of sex is increasing exponentially. So the decision to stay loyal to their wives is made for them. Praise the good Lord.
STAR
Shine-Shine bobo! Star is the Peak Milk of beer in Nigeria – evergreen, ever-present. The mono-syllabic name makes it is easy to order from the barman. It is harsh on the tongue and is taken by people who have been drinking for the best part of a decade (at least) and will drink until they die; in a manner of speaking. I saw a photo of my father from his OAU days in the 70s and saw boys (now grandfathers) holding retro STAR bottles. A bottle of Maltina was in my father’s hand. Hmmm. I don’t know how the apple has fallen so far from the tree.
The price is sort of kind of costly; and so, STAR can be used to indicate your bank balance. This is not a drink for poor people. Personality-wise, STAR is the unlikely interception in the Venn diagram of society where Afro-wearing, PhD-wielding, (big, big) grammar-speaking intellectuals meet with cherubic, YOLO-peddling, avuncular and experienced blue-collared people.
A drink for University professors. A drink for Transport Union leaders. A drink for welders, contractors, lawyers, and mothers of the sugary sort.
33
If you’ve heard of the phrase; “a man’s man,” this one is the drinker’s beer. 33 can be assessed all over Nigeria and is especially popular up North where it is fondly called Uku-Uku. We’re all driven by different motives, but 33 drinkers have always struck me as people who just want the world to see that they’re different – until it becomes an unshakable habit. This demographic tuck in their shirts in beer parlors to show other drinkers they are gainfully employed.
33 is a beer for stubborn people with many children; within and without marriage, and people who refuse to pencil their boot-cut pants while wearing unbespoke Hazan shoes under psychedelic show-me-the-money Ankara-print shirts. A beer for intelligent people plagued with a lack of style, but they don’t care.
HERO
A beer whose name is very symbolic in the South-Eastern part of Nigeria for obvious reasons. For the stretch of time that I lived there, it was the overbearing choice of beer at the very many functions. Mahn!! There was always an excuse to drink over there, and HERO is usually ordered by the crate/carton.
HERO is basically the TROPHY of the east and was I to hazard a guess, this is a beer for a person who is unapologetically Igbo and/or has very strong Igbo-affiliations. HERO-drinkers are very industrious, generally talkative and have light complexions. Mostly.
Look for someone bearded who has a thick, yellow spouse; many pretty daughters and a bank account that defies an overly simple wardrobe. I said someone bearded, I didn’t say ‘man’ ah
1960
Kensington Distillers and Vintners (KDV) – owners of the international brands Bannerman’s Finest Scotch Whisky, Grace du Roi Fine Wine and Mazzatti Italian Beer – has acquired the 1960 Rootz brand to form Monument Distillers Nigeria Limited which will also represent a range of international brands in Nigeria.
ACE ROOT
Ace Roots signified a call to action for everyone, especially consumers to go back to their roots of true African herbs, fruits, and spices with low sugar.
ORIJIN BITTERS
Orijin Alcoholic Beverage is a brand of Nigeria’s beverage drink, which gives you the bitter-sweet flavor of African herbs and fruits. Orijin Alcoholic Beverage comes in two sizes: a 65cl dark-green glass bottle and a 33cl can – both of which have a 6% volume of alcohol.
Ingredients in Orijin Alcoholic Beverage include water, alcohol, sugar and plant extract, such as kola nut, prune, oakwood, bitter orange peel, and wormwood.
LIFE
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Just like HERO, LIFE is another Igbo-centric beer. Unlike HERO, this one is much lighter on the tongue and milder on the throat. A poor man’s Heineken; which brings us nicely to our next one:
HEINEKEN
This is an exotic beer first of all, for rich people and for people who have come a long way from their humble beginnings but won’t readily admit they’re now, by societal standards, rich. Smooth and velvety on the tongue and gentle on the throat. There is a misconception that Heineken won’t affect you like the other beers because of its *rich people outlook, but that’s all it is: something poor people tell themselves before they get rich and can afford Heineken on a consistent basis. A beer for classy folks. No, a classy beer for folks.
GUINNESS
Expensive. Sometimes when the ageist drum is wheeled out and being beaten to the sounds of the popular song; “The world has now spoilt: Children of nowadays,” I just remember that most of our lineages, from the ground, up have been entirely useless. I mean, Arthur Guinness started this thing in 1759 and you want to tell me nonsense.
Well, that’s not the point. Unlike regular pints of beer, stout stays in your system and doesn’t drive you to pee after every other bottle. If you cannot hold your liquor, Guinness is not for you – because it could leave you wobbly-legged and all.
Guinness is black. Its drinkers are cool, calm and quiet. A drink for people that people respect. A drink for people that people admire. A drink for Danladi, Bassey, and Jumoke. Guinness is the drink of proper slays queens that drink beer: successful, bad-ass women seemingly unaffected by the many constrictions society tries to foist on them. Classy. Look for people who look good without (seemingly) trying.
LEGEND
This drink ba? There is a common notion that if you’ve been drinking for a long, long time, your body will develop a higher threshold for inebriation. It might, but not for LEGEND. The men that drink this drink, I suspect, have very long penii – and don’t even ask me why as it’s just a hunch. Not a drink for weak people. So, look for stoic, intelligent 24 to 65 year-olds.
LEGEND is a drink for people God has ordained to come to this life to be unserious, yet prosperous. The stuff of legend. A properly bitter drink for people who look like they finished their journeys to self-discovery at birth. A drink for wicked people.
SATZENBRAU
A drink Guinness created to rival the relatively cheap beers and save the criminally poor with bad tempers from those cheap liver-damaging hot drinks produced in Ogun state.
HARP
Irish Lager. Light sweetness with a faint buttery flavor and a fruity backbone. 5.0% ABV
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